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A good dom is also humble, generous and kind, wants to know how you feel so he can make you happy, and allows you express yourself without getting emotional.

Hope you can express yourself and he strives to become a better dom, good luck! One of my biggest problems is that I do not like the word no and have trouble obeying when told no.

I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as I have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help me give up control.

Hi Cristina! I completely understand that it can be hard to give up control. You can read the tips for topping from the bottom to help you. Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it.

Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave?

Would something like that be considered for a little? I know it all depends on the contract and understanding. Hi Danie!

Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! Unlike most of the previous replies, i am male with a female dom.

She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding. The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible.

Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric.

I am constantly thinking ways to try and please her and show my loyalty. I respect her and dont want to appear a pest by texting and calling all the time.

Thanks for your comment, Bill! A lot of subs feel that way, Erin. The best way to get over being self-conscious is to remember that your 1 job is to focus on your Dom, and not yourself.

You can even have a mantra to repeat when you feel your self-esteem dropping. Hello, I recently started being a sub. And I have to tell you that….

I thought that I was the only one who loved this way of life. Thanks for this article it is really helpful!! I have to continually try and anticipate what would please him, which is exhausting and I end up being a brat which only gets me spankings.

Can you give any suggestions that would help me, help him to carry over his dominance into our vanilla aspects of the relationship?

He is very willing to learn and grow but I do not want to force him, I love when he is and explores his dominance over me and wish so much that he would break out of the mindset that he is being a jerk for demands or punishment tasks.

Guys especially sometimes need things spelled out for them and lots of examples. You can also share this article about rituals with him.

Being a Dom and assigning and enforcing tasks is a lot of work. He may say he wants to learn and try but a Dom has to be self-motivated and take the lead.

He may just like the kinky sex, and being a lifestyle Dom may not be for him. Thanks so much. I read another few articles and the one you mentioned.

I took it upon myself to start a journal that He can read at will. I actually wrote my first entry and have to say it is so much easier to write about these things than to have discussions.

Maybe there is a happy medium somewhere and this journal is the start of something wonderful. Thanks for the advice Kinky Abby, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for all your amazing articles! Hi Lunaa! Remember to stay in the moment. Worrying about the future will not help you to serve your Dom.

And be kind to yourself! I adore to be sodomised by men while people watch. I am not attracted to men in the slightest..

I like your blog.. Knowing our likes and dislikes is the most important thing. You can read more about it here.

Im struggleing to know exactly how to be the best sub. We have a 13 yr old daughter who is never away from us and time alone to cummacate is scarce.

Can you help me?? Struggling to be a good sub while dealing with teenage children can be frustrating. I am new to being a sub I have always had it in me but it just took the right man to bring it out of me.

Hi Peaches! Be sure to download the cheat sheet above, and you can also check out this article. I was in what I thought was a submissive role in my past but now I see was being abused.

I have since been talking with a Master and I am struggling with His written assignments. We have not met yet. Master says I am giving text book answers and not from my own heart.

He wants me in position humble and to describe my thoughts with questions He specifically asks. Like how i feel spiritually, emotionally, sexually, physically and mentally about me being his slave.

He made it clear that any punishment I would give to myself and He would decide what counted. I am new to the lifestyle and finally found a real Dom.

He is a Daddy and we are going by the book so to speak because of my inexperience. I have found though I love the thought of submitting to him I have a brat side to me.

Love to bring out the DD side of him. I am fearful I will be too much for him. One of the things I struggle with is the way my Master makes me feel.

I get lost in him, in my need to service him. When he is near, I am a puddle, and I sink into subspace at the sound of his voice.

I have difficulty with this for a number of reasons. It is not in my nature to give of myself so fully and I wonder if I am giving too much.

Hi Kim! Hi Crystal! For tips on obeying DDlg and long-distance relationship rules be sure to check out these articles:. Hi thanks you so much for the adivce I hope I can become a better sub and that it works thanks you.

Never having even read 50 Shades of anything or seen the movie or even having any thoughts on the subject, I have no idea where to start apart from maybe picking my chin off the floor.

I have been maneuvering your site and thank you for being here but I really do not know where to start still.

Should I be saying Yep lets do this, am I insolent in wanting to ask lots of questions? I am about to turn 50 so I have been committed over the last 12 months to staring my life from scratch and am trepidacious though completely open to the thought of this sort of relationship being a new way of living.

Ok I am now ranting apologies. It was popularized in internet chatrooms, to make it easier to identify the orientation of the writer or the person being written about.

Also, some submissives eschew personal pronouns, instead referring to themselves as "this slave" or "Master Bob's girl". This is sometimes considered an expression of modesty, but it is an entirely optional method of depersonalizing a submissive during "play".

It may have roots in the military , where new recruits are required to refer to themselves as "this recruit", rather than "I" or "me".

Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Fantasy role play can be an element, with partners taking classic dominant or submissive roles, or classic authority-figure roles such as teacher and student, police officer and suspect, or parent and child.

These variations may include:. Some examples are:. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways.

Some employ a written form known as a "Dungeon negotiation form", for others a simple verbal commitment is sufficient.

There are many versions of consent but mainly it is the knowledge between the partnership of who plays the dominant role and who plays the submissive.

As well as the fact that all erotic experiences are performed in a safe, legal, and consensual practice as well as benefiting both parties. Surface consent has been defined as a simple yes or no.

Negotiation in terms of the sexual scenes is required to ensure that the BDSM play is enjoyable and safe for both parties involved.

The discussion of what activities are available and the mutual definition of the play is the only way both the dominant and submissive will be able to comfortably perform.

Safewords are verbal codes both partners can recognize as the end or altering of activities done in a BDSM scene. It is an important asset to continue the consent through the relationship and scene itself.

All of it ensures a safe space where both participants are able to enjoy the sexual play. The BDSM community takes consent very seriously and promotes safe play.

They also provide public playrooms with dungeon monitors to make sure the rules are kept and followed. Although they take all the precautions to the events, coercion and sexual assault still occur inside and outside the community.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom NCSF is an educational organization that is driven to propose positive and safe sex that was founded in That being said just because someone participates in a dominant and submissive relationship does not mean they will eventually be sexually assaulted or coerced.

Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits. It is an agreement that consent is given in advance, sometimes without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned, though within defined limits subject to a safeword, reasonable care, common sense, or other restrictions.

The consent is given with the intent of its being irrevocable under normal circumstances. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and is usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear, safe limits on their activities.

It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it is common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what.

It is a good way to work out what all the parties want and usually improves the experience. Some contracts can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more.

For long term consent, a "slave contract" may be drawn up. BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas.

Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual. Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon or playroom, that contains special equipment, such as shackles , handcuffs , whips , queening stools , and spanking benches or a Berkley horse , for example, used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

Many submissives in a submissive relationship wear a collar to indicate their submissive status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one.

The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner.

Some subs may wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Many people—for example, some in the punk rock and goth subcultures —wear collars for other reasons, such as fashion.

So, one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are involved in BDSM. Members of the furry fandom may also wear collars as a part of costuming or as fashion.

Use of collars in the sexual aspects of furry lifestyle may or may not be connected to BDSM, depending on the individual's preferences.

Some men are also trying to meet and date submissive girls. Perhaps you were in a controlling relationship in the past, or you may just want a partner who goes with the flow.

Whatever the case, you need to find a way to start meeting and dating submissive girls. If you are more assertive and like to take a leadership role, then you may want to meet a woman who will follow your lead.

In the West, gender equality and a stronger role for women in the workforce mean that you are less likely to find submissive women.

Before you can even start your search, there are a few things you need to understand. Despite what you hear among anti-feminists and traditionalists, women are not naturally submissive.

When anthropologists look at matriarchal societies, it is the women who hold the power and take on leadership roles. Interestingly, this even extends to cases of rape.

Since rape is fundamentally about power, it is not the men who do the raping in matriarchal societies. Women are in the position of control, and men are their submissive counterparts.

What this means is that women are not naturally submissive. You could argue that their smaller physique means that they are less likely to win in a fight, but societies are not based on who is strongest.

Otherwise, you would have body builders as presidents and CEOs instead of people who have the intellectual capacity to run a country or a business.

Submissiveness is something that is taught within a culture. How someone is raised greatly determines their character traits and how they perceive their gender.

For example, the androgynous look is extremely popular among men in Japan. When Abercrombie tried to advertise muscular, physically imposing male models in Japan, their ads failed.

The same advertisements did well in the United States where men are raised to be more muscular and masculine. If you are looking for a submissive woman, one place to start is with her culture.

Many women raised in the West are not taught to be submissive. They are raised to be equals and to take on leadership roles.

If you want to meet and date a submissive woman, then you need to find a culture where those traits are valued among women.

In many Asian societies, women are given submissive roles. In China and Taiwan, you find men dominating leadership roles—even when those roles are at jobs traditionally dominated by women such as teaching.

In Japan, women are expected to have a family and care for their spouse while the husband provides for the family financially.

If you are looking for submissive women, start by looking for women from a culture or background where those traits are prized among females.

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There are many versions of consent but mainly it is the knowledge between the partnership of who plays the dominant role and who plays the submissive.

As well as the fact that all erotic experiences are performed in a safe, legal, and consensual practice as well as benefiting both parties.

Surface consent has been defined as a simple yes or no. Negotiation in terms of the sexual scenes is required to ensure that the BDSM play is enjoyable and safe for both parties involved.

The discussion of what activities are available and the mutual definition of the play is the only way both the dominant and submissive will be able to comfortably perform.

Safewords are verbal codes both partners can recognize as the end or altering of activities done in a BDSM scene.

It is an important asset to continue the consent through the relationship and scene itself. All of it ensures a safe space where both participants are able to enjoy the sexual play.

The BDSM community takes consent very seriously and promotes safe play. They also provide public playrooms with dungeon monitors to make sure the rules are kept and followed.

Although they take all the precautions to the events, coercion and sexual assault still occur inside and outside the community.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom NCSF is an educational organization that is driven to propose positive and safe sex that was founded in That being said just because someone participates in a dominant and submissive relationship does not mean they will eventually be sexually assaulted or coerced.

Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits.

It is an agreement that consent is given in advance, sometimes without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned, though within defined limits subject to a safeword, reasonable care, common sense, or other restrictions.

The consent is given with the intent of its being irrevocable under normal circumstances. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and is usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear, safe limits on their activities.

It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it is common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what.

It is a good way to work out what all the parties want and usually improves the experience. Some contracts can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more.

For long term consent, a "slave contract" may be drawn up. BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas.

Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual. Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon or playroom, that contains special equipment, such as shackles , handcuffs , whips , queening stools , and spanking benches or a Berkley horse , for example, used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

Many submissives in a submissive relationship wear a collar to indicate their submissive status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one.

The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner.

Some subs may wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Many people—for example, some in the punk rock and goth subcultures —wear collars for other reasons, such as fashion.

So, one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are involved in BDSM. Members of the furry fandom may also wear collars as a part of costuming or as fashion.

Use of collars in the sexual aspects of furry lifestyle may or may not be connected to BDSM, depending on the individual's preferences.

One of the most famous works in this area is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch 's Venus im Pelz Venus in Furs , , in which the protagonist, Severin, persuades a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave, serves her, and allows her to degrade him.

The book has elements of both social and physical submission, and is the genesis of the term "masochism" coined by the 19th-century psychiatrist Krafft-Ebing.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Erotic roleplay involving the submission of one person to another. For the film, see The Dominant Sex.

For other uses, see Dominance and submission disambiguation. This article has multiple issues. Please help improve it or discuss these issues on the talk page.

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Human furniture :A nude submissive woman being used as a decorative table. She is required to stay in the same posture, such that the vase over her does not fall top.

A human-table formed using three nude submissive women bottom. This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources.

Further information on when consent can be a defense to criminal liability for any injuries caused, and when, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm : Consent BDSM and Legal consent.

See also: BDSM in culture and media. Gloria G. July The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry.

Current Psychiatry Reports. In the West, gender equality and a stronger role for women in the workforce mean that you are less likely to find submissive women.

Before you can even start your search, there are a few things you need to understand. Despite what you hear among anti-feminists and traditionalists, women are not naturally submissive.

When anthropologists look at matriarchal societies, it is the women who hold the power and take on leadership roles.

Interestingly, this even extends to cases of rape. Since rape is fundamentally about power, it is not the men who do the raping in matriarchal societies.

Women are in the position of control, and men are their submissive counterparts. What this means is that women are not naturally submissive.

You could argue that their smaller physique means that they are less likely to win in a fight, but societies are not based on who is strongest.

Otherwise, you would have body builders as presidents and CEOs instead of people who have the intellectual capacity to run a country or a business.

Submissiveness is something that is taught within a culture. How someone is raised greatly determines their character traits and how they perceive their gender.

For example, the androgynous look is extremely popular among men in Japan. When Abercrombie tried to advertise muscular, physically imposing male models in Japan, their ads failed.

The same advertisements did well in the United States where men are raised to be more muscular and masculine. If you are looking for a submissive woman, one place to start is with her culture.

Many women raised in the West are not taught to be submissive. They are raised to be equals and to take on leadership roles.

If you want to meet and date a submissive woman, then you need to find a culture where those traits are valued among women. In many Asian societies, women are given submissive roles.

In China and Taiwan, you find men dominating leadership roles—even when those roles are at jobs traditionally dominated by women such as teaching.

In Japan, women are expected to have a family and care for their spouse while the husband provides for the family financially.

If you are looking for submissive women, start by looking for women from a culture or background where those traits are prized among females.

Another thing you should consider is the type of woman who matches your personality traits. If you are terrible at cooking or managing a checkbook, you need a partner who can do these things.

To do this, you have to be extremely self-aware. Too many people are over-confident about their abilities. They think that they can do anything without realizing that they have weaknesses just like everyone else.

Once you know and accept your weaknesses, your goal is to find a mate who is capable in the areas that you are not. If you complement each other well, then you can enjoy a healthy, happy relationship within a positive home.

One of the biggest reasons why men look for submissive girls is a lack of self-confidence. Whether they admit it or not, they are insecure in their personality, intelligence, physique or other areas of their life.

They want a submissive girl because it makes them feel better about themselves. If the girl is not as smart or personable, the guy feels like he actually has a self-worth.

It is one thing the want a submissive partner if you are truly more dominant and assertive. It is an entirely another thing to let your insecurities and lack of self-esteem dictate who you are with.

At best, this will just be a band-aid that you use to assuage your own self-worth and put off the real issue of whether you are actually a worthy individual.

In general, submissive people are attracted to someone who seems like a leader. In the same way that hiking enthusiasts tend to date other outdoor lovers, a submissive person is drawn to someone who is dominant.

If you are not a natural leader, you will never get a submissive partner. Instead, you will end up drawing in people who will want to dominate you and have you as the submissive partner.

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